A Conversation with Lloyd Ninham: Your Trusted Funeral Director in Forster

Can you tell us a little about yourself and what led you to a career in funeral
service? Married to Kirsty, 3 sons, born and raised in Sydney, have now lived in the Great Lakes/ Manning for 24 years, now call the mid coast my home. My parents and father in law also call the mid coast home. Came into the Funeral Industry by chance, an engineering career in factories was coming to an end, although there were opportunities available out of the area, I chose to continue to reside and raise my children in the location that I now call my home.

Experiencing Personal Grief. Have you personally experienced significant loss? Can you share a little about that time and how it affected you? Yes, our first-born son would now be 14 years old, born still birth at 36 weeks. The feeling and sense of why it had to happen to us? and all the what ifs that went through our thoughts, we now believe he trod the path for the next 2 healthy boys.

How did your personal experience with grief shape the way you approach your
work with grieving families? Our personal experience has given me the tools and emotions to feel and empathise how others feel after losing someone special to you. I know the feeling of the loss, the funeral planning, the funeral service and the sense of grief and loss in the days and weeks following.

What do you find most rewarding about being a Funeral Director? I really enjoy conducting funerals, it gives me a sense of self satisfaction that we have listened and understood what we have been asked to do for families, executing it perfectly is our aim. Also, the reconnecting with individuals from time to time that I have performed funerals for, they remember my name, but I don’t always remember theirs unfortunately, but I’m glad that the care I gave is a lasting memory for them, it’s these connections that last a lifetime, to have them come back in the future to personally request my assistance is very rewarding.

What are some of the most challenging aspects of your role, and how do you manage them? Some humans can be horrible people and sometimes the attitude towards and care for someone, can be nonexistent. I have a belief for strong family values and caring for my family and friends dearly, these attitudes are upsetting to see, but we have to treat everyone with the same dignity and care irrespective of what we think of them.

Supporting Families. How do you support families during their most difficult times? Just as I would my own, through my own experience of loss I can honestly say, “I know how you feel”, sometimes no words can comfort the experience of grief of a loved one, providing the empathy and care they are looking for and being a good listener and communicator.

Are there any particular moments or stories from your career that stand out to you as especially meaningful? Yes, I have experienced a small number of meaningful moments that can never be forgotten, to have someone come up to you and say “now I know why you and your wife are the way you are, I read an article about you and your story, you where such a comfort to me and when my husband passed away at home, it will never be forgotten”.

Coping Mechanisms. How do you cope with the emotional demands of your job? A funeral director’s role can be very demanding at times, but having young boys wanting your attention, this can be a distraction as well and putting time into renovating my home. I have a particular interest in road cycling, when I can I get out for a ride to smash out the stress.

Do you have any personal rituals or practices that help you deal with the stress and sadness you encounter? No nothing in particular, but I have like-minded colleagues where we will engage in banter between ourselves to talk out how things are going.

Advice for Grieving Families. What advice would you give to families who are going through the grieving process? Trust your funeral director, we are here to help you through one of the hardest journeys you may encounter in your life. Plan and have a meaning farewell, this is all part of looking after yourself now and into the future, let us worry about the little things that matter for now, we will take care of them, you take care of yourself first.

Are there any resources or practices you recommend for families to help them cope with their loss? Although we are not qualified counsellors, we unofficially become one sometimes, we can refer someone who can get in touch that can help in these situations.

The Importance of Personal Touch. In your opinion, what makes a funeral service truly memorable and meaningful? It’s the small things, attention to detail, the polish and always being attentive, nothing should be no problem. Also, genuine touch, a hand shake, maybe a cuddle can be a real comfort and meaningful to some body. I feel it can give a real sense of comfort to those that are willing to feel the same, it’s one of those things that you work out as you go along.

How do you ensure that the services you provide reflect the unique life and legacy of the person being honoured? Taking the time to listen and take an interest in someone’s life story, connect with the deceased family, acknowledge family thoughts and the deceased wishes.

Personal Reflections. How has working in funeral services changed your perspective on life and death? On occasions a death of someone of similar age can invoke thoughts of my own mortality and the effect my death may have on my wife, children and parents, love and cherish every minute with your family and friends.

What personal qualities do you think are most important for a Funeral Director to possess? Be human, be yourself, care for someone as you wish to be cared for, treat someone the way you would want to be treated, do what you say you will do. Treat the deceased reverently. Measuring your care and empathy is important, do not exaggerate or fake these qualities.

Closing Thoughts. Is there anything else you would like to share with the families you serve? Often the cost of a funeral is more of a consideration than a meaningful farewell, it’s not always about the cost, but the lasting memory that we can leave you for a long time into the future.

What legacy do you hope to leave through your work in funeral services? I would hope to leave a legacy of humility. To be a funeral director you need to genuinely care, it’s not about the money but the satisfaction to help people through one of life’s most difficult journeys of loss of some dear to them.